By Sol M
Like all women programmed to find a man to marry so society will supposedly respect her, I was determined to get mine, get married, have children and live happily ever after.
So when I was a teenager the joke and at the same time pressure was to avoid being fire at during Valentine’s Day and must grab a guy at all cost to show the world you are good enough to hook a date and hopefully a potential mate.
We girls hope and pray we get our Valentino sooner and never later right after college even if not emotionally and financially prepared. Love will see us through, we all believed in that song and know luck is on our side. Or so we thought.
I found my “dream man” and got “kilig” to the bones when he proposed marriage. I immediately said yes, even if both of us have not enough money to spend for the wedding. I cannot wait being called “Mrs.”and the wife of-like a dream come true. It sounds magical to the ears and I feel I belong to the normal race -a happy married woman with an attractive and responsible husband and good looking kids living at a respectable apartment at first then an expensive house with a beautiful lawn as they kids grow up. What a perfect life.
So I hurriedly my man of six months and to my surprise discovered many things about him and us I did not expect. Unexpected number one and most important-he was lazy. He preferred not to look for a job and rely on yours truly to raise three sons.
I have no choice but to work my butt or he’d accuse me again and again to be desperate to get married “asap” and that by the way the reason he proposed, that he felt pressured by me. Then he often made snide remarks that he had always wanted to enjoy his singlehood and even remain single forever. I felt like a dagger stab on my front and back. I wanted to run, hurt, angry and ashamed.
Arguments and big quarrels become our day-to-day routine that our three boys complained there is no warmth and peace in our home. Many times I want to run away, take the boys and leave the as!=#! alone. Bastard lazy insensitive no good man.
I was determined to stand up on my own. But my parents, particularly my mother told me: “Tiisin mo, anong magagawa mo, he is what he is.”
But it is hard, I get insults from him, even in public to show off to people he’s the boss in the family. Other than the verbal abuse, he “accidentally”- his words hit me physically ever time he had too much to drink. I felt abused and exploited. One of my boys told me to leave him and they understand.
I could not help recall the times when I was single, enjoying my life after earning my own money and traveling with friends, dreaming of a happy life by getting a most wonderful man for a husband but ended up asking where did it went wrong? But now I realized it was wrong at the very start, the firing squad scare which I foolishly believed, and not having a clear vision and a set of important priorities than marriage.
Ladies, don’t be like me, be a woman of substance, learn to be independent and secure of yourself. Be whole even before you allow yourself to be hitch. The firing squad can never hurt.
Artwork courtesy of desktopbackground.org